EPIC Cake

I made a 14 layer cake last night. What did you do?

This cake is VERY good and surprisingly easy to make, although time consuming.. So put on your "What's cooking good lookin'" apron and make a cake.

Ingredients:

Cake Batter:

• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1/2 cup butter
• 2 cups white sugar
• 6 eggs
• 3 cups milk
• 3 cups self-rising flour
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

"Frosting"

• 3 cups white sugar
• 1 cup butter
• 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/4 cup water
• 2 cups evaporated milk

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour 4 or 5 - 8 inch round cake pans. It's really important that you don't half ass the greasing, you'll totally jack up your ability to have a pretty cake.
2. In a VERY large bowl, cream together the shortening, 1/2 cup butter and 2 cups sugar until light and fluffy. (I tried just a regular mixing bowl and it overflowed) Add the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition, then stir in the vanilla. Add the flour alternately with the 3 cups milk; beat well. Pour 3/4 cup of batter into each prepared pan, and spread evenly. It really seems like it's not enough in the pan, but trust me, it is. You will need to bake the layers in two or three batches.
   
3. Bake for 6 to 9 minutes in the preheated oven, just until the layers are dried out. Do not brown.You'll notice the cake is spongy looking and the edges will begin to shrink in from the sides. They aren't going to come out looking like regular sheet cake.
4. To make the frosting: *****VERY IMPORTANT YOU FOLLOW THIS TO A SCIENCE OR THE FROSTING WON'T SET**** In a large saucepan over medium heat, combine 3 cups sugar, 1 cup butter, cocoa, water and 2 cups evaporated milk. Bring the mixture to a rolling boil which means the entire top is boiling, cracking and moving liquid within the pot, stirring frequently, then boil for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and beat for two minutes with an electric mixer. Remove from heat and let cool for about 10minutes
   
5. Stack cake layers with icing in between, letting the icing run down the sides of the cake. Smooth the sides and top with the remaining icing.

Homemade Mac & Cheese

I have to admit I am really picky when it comes to Mac and Cheese, so I am impressed that I actually liked this. I tweeked it and this is the result.

Ingredients:

1 box of elbow macaroni cooked according to the box
10 ozs of shredded sharp cheddar and whatever other cheese you fancy
5 ozs of cream
1 egg
3/4 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon chilli powder
1 teaspoon salt
4 tbsp butter
pepper to taste

Once the noodles are cooked drain and put back into the pot. Coat the noodles with the butter. Once the butter is completely melted whisk the egg and add to the pot. Stir completely. Stir in cream and cheese. Once the cheese is melted add mustard, salt, chili powder, and pepper. Stir completely again, unless you'd like to die by chili powder. Heat on low for about three minutes and serve. Straight up Cheese Gangsta!

Stuff-it Feta Chicken and pasta

Another recipe made from about three others, stirred to perfection. This dish is perfect for a weeknight meal, full of flavor and easy on the pockets.

You Need:
For the chicken:

• 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
• 6 ounces tomato basil feta cheese, crumbled
• 1/4 cup Italian-style dry bread crumbs, divided
• olive oil for moisture
• 2 tbsp butter or margarine
  

For the Sauce:

• 1 can whole plum tomatoes
• 1 small shallot
• 3 cloves garlic
• 1 tbsp oregano

One box of angel hair pasta

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Get out the meat. Make sure the chicken is ALL the way thawed or your chicken will dry out. Make sure not to use auto-defrost on the microwave either, it can cook the edges too much. Best to take the chicken out before going to work in the morning. Slice a long pocket on one side of each of your chicken breasts. Coat the inside and outside with olive oil. Stuff the pockets full of feta cheese and I recommend using the basil and tomato flavored kind. Use a 9x9x9 glass baking dish or equivalent and sprinkle the bottom with the italian bread crumbs....not too much, maybe like a 1/4 inch deep. Place your chicken on top of the bread crumbs and sprinkle remaining breadcrumbs over the top. For added moisture I places a slice of butter on the top of each chicken breast. Set aside for about 10 minutes.

The homemade pasta sauce:
Blend your can of whole plum tomatoes in the blender on puree until the color is a bit lighter. Place the tomato mixture in a saucepan on medium heat for 20 minutes. Once you get the sauce going, put the chicken in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes. Mince up your garlic and shallot. Put about 2 tbsps of olive oil in a frying pan on medium high heat and cook the garlic and shallot mixture in the oil until brown. You are just browning the garlic and shallots to get rid of the pungent taste. Place the mixture in with the tomato sauce that is cooking for the remainder of the 20 minutes. Also add the oregano.

Once the sauce and the chicken is going and you feel like king of multi-tasking, boil your water for the pasta and cook according to the instructions on the box. Maybe now would be a good time to crack open a bottle of wine and revel in the fact that you are master of the kitchen.

Now that everything is cooked, place your pasta and sauce in the center of the plate. Make a little nest in the center for your chicken to rest. Place the chicken in the center of the pasta dish...it should be moist but the crust should be golden brown. Sprinkle some extra feta cheese over the top and have your spouse/child/friend/roommate praise you for such an awesome job that you have slaved over after such a long day of work. Yum.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

For your love-ah. Or those annoying coworkers that you KNOW will kiss some Valentine's Day Ass with special cupcakes and crap. Perfect time for over-achieving.

What you'll need:

• About 3/4 to a pound of strawberries
• 20-26 oz back of semi-sweet chocolate morsels (I really wanted to use the word morsels)
• 16 ozs of white chocolate chips or be daring....peanutbutter morsels!
  
• 2-3 tbsps of butter
• toothpicks
• wax paper
  

Instructions:

Unless you are like an uber cook, you probably only have the standard pots and pans. So we'll do it the ghetto stylin' way. You need two pots, one larger and one smaller. Make sure the small one isn't too small so that it can hang out on the rim of the larger pot without falling in. Fill the larger pot enough to surround the smaller pots bottom and sides with water. Bring to a heafty boil. Place 2 tbsps of butter and and about a cup and a half of chocolate chips into the small pot. Melt but make sure to keep stirring.

Line a cookie sheet with wax paper. Place the toothpicks in the tops of the strawberries for easy dipping. Once the chocolate is runny and easy to imagine dipping stuff in, place each strawberry in the chocolate about 3/4 of the way to the top. Once adequately covered stick it on the cookie sheet to dry. Keep doing this until either you can't handle it anymore or you run out of strawberries. Place the sheet in the fridge to cool.

Clean up your small pot quickly. It's a pain to get solid chocolate off a cooled pot. Once clean, start the white chocolate. This time, only use about a tbsp of butter. White chocolate is thinner and easier to handle. Only use about 1 cup of the morsels though, you don't need as much. Once the white chocolate is melted remove your sheet from the fridge and get creative with your strawberries. You can drizzle them making pretty lines, or you can double dip them.

Ta-Daa (enjoy the craptastic cell phone picture)

Bella Cream Sauce Tortellini

I combined about 4 different recipes for this one and it turned out darn good.

What you need:

• 1 1/2 cups of Baby Bella Mushrooms
  
• 1 cup hot water
• 3 Italian sausages if you require meat in your dish, but not necessary for flavor
  
• 1 pound pre made 4 cheese tortellini (the kind you buy in the refrigerated section)
  
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 1/4 cup shallots, chopped (shallots are much better for this than onions...trust me)
  
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
• 1 1/2 tablespoons chopped parsley leaves
• 1 tbsp of cornstarch
  

Instructions

If you want meat, start here...if not move to the next paragraph. Get out those lovely Italian Sausages! Cut or peel of the nearly transparent casing and make little meatballs with the remaining meat. This may make you terribly uncomfortable...I didn't like handling those things. Put one tablespoon of olive oil in a frying pan and heat to medium high. Once the oil is hot, cook the sausage meatballs until you don't risk killing anyone with undercooked meat. Place them on paper towels and dab them dry to remove the excess oil. Keep them safe and warm in the microwave.

Another recommendation, cut up your shallots and garlic before heating the pan especially if you suck at mincing and dicing.

Soak the mushrooms in hot water for 15 minutes. It's good for them. I put mine on the stove on the lowest heat possible. Strain mushrooms saving the liquid and I am serious, you'll need it later. While the mushrooms are soaking, cook the tortellini. I tried to wait on this and screwed up my timing making it take a lot longer to cook everything. At least make sure that you boil the water during the mushroom soaking part.

While the tortellini is cooking, heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. And hey, be careful...hot oil burns. Add shallots and garlic and cook 3 minutes, stirring with spoon so nothing burns. Add the oregano and cook for about a minute, until your kitchen smells like an oregano explosion. Add baby bella mushrooms and reserved mushroom leftover liquid and bring to a simmer, for about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to medium, add heavy cream and cornstarch (If you made the sausage, put them in the sauce now.) and simmer 2 minutes to heat through. Add tortellini to the mushrooms and cook 1 minute, to heat them up and roll 'em around in that tasty sauce. Remove from heat and stir in cheese and parsley. Serve quickly, no one likes a cold noodle.

For presentation, I placed the noodles and sauce on the center of the place and put the meatballs on the top. I then sprinkled some leftover Parm and added a sprig of something green to the side. Parsley is a good choice.

Total time: 26 minutes

Slacker Panini on Foreman Grill

I like Panera and Atlanta Bread a little too much and my wallet hates me for it. So I came up with a slacker version of the panini.

What you need:

Lunch Meat, I prefer turkey
1 tomato
Cheese, I prefer Gouda
Bread, I prefer organic sourdough but regular white sandwhich bread works too
Mayo or Hollandaise sauce
butter or margarine
Foreman Grill

Turn on the grill.

Put some margarine on one side of each bread.
Slice the tomato and put one slice on the bread.
Place a slice of gouda on the bread.
Put the amount of turkey you want on the bread.
Slather on some mayo or hollandaise sauce.
Put on the grill once it's warm.
Leave on until the light turns off.

Enjoy it's cheap and easy goodness.

Starbucks Yogurt Parfait

I got tired of paying $4.00 for a freaking yogurt parfait at Starbucks at least three times a week and began a mission to find ingredients that were exactly like the flavors Starbucks has and I scored. You are reaping the benefits of way to much yogurt sampling.

What you need:

(1) 32oz tub of Stonyfield Vanilla Yogurt, lowfat
(1) (12 oz) bag of granola, I recommend Triple Berry Crunch by Bare Naked
(2) cans of organic pie filling, I recommend Nature's Flavors strawberry and blueberry
5-6 Tupperware containers, In recommend Ziploc® Brand Twist 'n Loc® Fresh SHIELD™
Plastic Baggies

In a bowl mix together the strawberry and blueberry filling. Make sure to drain the blueberries unless you prefer a gigantic bowl of ugly liquid. I also don't put all the jelly like stuff with the strawberries. Just a little bit. Once the filling is mixed pour about 1/4 of the containers full of the mixture. Next pour yogurt over top of the fruit stuff a little over the halfway mark in the container. Seal and keep in your fridge. For later convenience put the granola in individual plastic bags next to your yogurt parfaits making less of an excuse of how Starbucks is just easier.

Yeilds: 5-6 servings, depending on how much you want in your container
Time it takes: About 5-10 minutes